


Hide And Seek

by carolinablu85



Series: Growing Up Mayer [1]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Cuddling and Snuggling, Family, M/M, Memories, Wall-E - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-24
Updated: 2011-09-24
Packaged: 2017-10-24 00:33:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/256859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinablu85/pseuds/carolinablu85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 1 of a series of snapshots in which the Snyder family learns what Noah's childhood was really like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hide And Seek

**Author's Note:**

> set during spring 2008, when Noah was living at the farm. Enjoy!

“Okay, ready or not, here we come!” The sounds of giggling and hurried footsteps above his head drew Luke’s attention. He turned to his partner in crime and nodded towards the stairs. “What do you think? Should we do our seeking upstairs?”

“Here we come!” Ethan shouted in response, tugging on Luke’s hand, nearly pulling him up the steps. They came to a halt at the top, taking a second to scan the hallway, listening for clues. Ethan looked up at Luke and put his finger to his lips in an exaggerated quieting gesture. Luke had to stifle his laughter, nodding seriously back at his little brother.

They tiptoed down the hallway, more for effect than actual stealth. Ethan and stealth were two things that just didn’t belong together. The boy paused outside their parents’ bedroom, listening hard, eyes widening.

Luke fought off another laugh. He had to admit he was having fun, considering he hadn’t exactly been thrilled when Lily and Holden had guilted him into babysitting tonight. Not when he and Noah had been planning to go out for dinner and a movie, and a walk to the pond. But of course, his boyfriend the Boy Scout had to say yes to his parents. Noah was such a pushover when it came to the Snyders (and yes, Luke was aware he himself was a part of that group).

A whisper of movement in the hallway bathroom brought Luke back to the game at hand. Peeking in, he saw a lanky, familiar shadow against the shower curtain. _A-ha_. Silently, he tapped Ethan on the shoulder. Putting his own finger to his lips, he then pointed towards the bathroom. Ethan nodded excitedly, moving to the door.

Luke himself entered his parents’ bedroom. Years of hide-and-go-seek had given him the knowledge of the best hiding places in the farmhouse, and there were really only two in this room. He checked under the bed. Nothing. That left the closet.

Luke threw open the door and spread his arms as wide as possible, catching Faith’s sleeve as she tried to rocket past him to safety. “Gotcha!” he shouted, grabbing and pulling her close, ruffling her hair.

He expected her to yell at him, and so he was thrown when instead she held his arms tightly and cried out, “Now, Nat!” To his surprise, the lump of pillows on the bed came to life, and then his youngest sister was jumping up and running for downstairs and home base.

Luke had to admit, he was impressed with their strategy. He looked down at Faith. “Touché, Ms. Snyder,” he ruffled her hair again before letting go.

Faith grinned triumphantly for a moment, fixing her hair, before her smile faltered. “Where’s Noah?” Luke paused, looking at her quizzically. Something in her tone was off.

But before he could question her, a cartoon-monster-like roar was heard from the direction of the hallway bathroom, followed by the delighted shrieking of one Ethan Snyder. Luke couldn’t help but smile at the sounds. “I think he’s been found,” he answered Faith, the loud, happy noises causing him to forget whatever he had been about to ask. Faith smiled too, even more so when they left the bedroom and found Noah waiting for them in the hall, Ethan hanging upside down from his shoulder.

“Found him!” Ethan called out, voice even more high pitched thanks to his precarious position, Noah swinging him around lightly.

“I can see that,” Luke replied amiably, one arm still around Faith. “But we let Nat get by, so I don’t think we won.”

“Nope!” Natalie came bounding back up the stairs. “I won! What do I get?”

“Hmmmm,” Luke pretended to think. He turned to Noah, who was helping Ethan climb back down to the floor. “What do you think, Noah? An earlier bed time? Extra brussel sprouts for breakfast?” He dodged Natalie when she tried to smack him.

“Luke, those are good prizes, but not _great_ prizes. I thought we’d wake her up at dawn and let her muck out the stalls,” Noah said in complete seriousness, blue eyes giving nothing away. Faith and Ethan laughed.

“Guys,” Natalie whined dramatically, hanging on Noah’s shirt sleeve.

“Okay, fine,” Luke sighed. “I guess you can pick the movie we watch before bed. Sound good?”

“Sweet!” She let go of Noah and pulled Faith down to the den.

“God, please, not Hannah Montana,” Luke whispered his plea as he and Noah followed at a slower pace, Ethan hanging onto their arms and swinging between them every few steps.

Thankfully Nat settled on _Wall-E_ , which Luke and Noah were perfectly happy to watch, Noah especially. Luke had to admit he loved watching Noah watch movies. It was like discovering the stories all over again and watching them for the first time. No matter how many times Noah had seen a movie, no matter how many times he made Luke watch one with him… it was a gateway.

Noah didn’t have any childhood pictures- school portraits with a missing front tooth or the Halloween when he was eight and dressed up as Frank Sinatra (it was the blue eyes, it had to be)- didn’t have any high school yearbooks or prom photos… but he had movies.

Luke smiled sweetly when Noah got into a more comfortable position, already captivated by a film he was seeing for the fourth time now. And he couldn’t help but laugh when Natalie pointed out that Wall-E was just like Noah with his love of weird old movies. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but Luke had thought the exact same thing the first time he had seen this- the sweet, shy, dorky, somewhat clueless loner falling in love for the first time. All Noah did was stick his tongue out at the giggling Snyder siblings.

Ethan fell asleep in Faith’s lap about halfway through the movie, but everyone else was too comfortable to move, let alone take him upstairs. Once the credits rolled, Luke took Nat up to brush her teeth and get tucked in while Faith and Noah took care of Ethan.

Luke sat on the edge of Natalie’s bed as she got settled in, fluffing up the pillows to her satisfaction. “Did you have a good day today?” he asked. Natalie sometimes liked to recap her day to whoever tucked her in, and wouldn’t go to sleep until she was done.

“Yeah,” she said happily. “We ordered the good pizza tonight,” (there were two pizza places in Oakdale, one Natalie liked and one that didn’t make the crust thick enough for her liking), “and I like when you and Noah hang out with us.”

“We like it too,” he replied, knowing that these moments were why he let his parents and Noah talk him into babysitting.

“Hey Luke?” she was fiddling with her comforter now, avoiding his eyes.

Luke frowned, a little concerned. “What is it, Nat?”

“Will you tell Noah I’m sorry? For making him sad?”

Luke felt his stomach drop to his knees. What? “What do you mean? When was Noah sad?”

“When we were trying to find places to hide. I tried to get Noah to hide in Mommy and Daddy’s closet, but he wouldn’t. And he looked really upset for a second. Then he tried to say he wouldn’t fit and he smiled, but…” her voice lowered to a hush. “I think he was lying.”

“He was upset?” Luke was trying to wrap his brain around this.

“Yeah, a little. Like he was remembering a bad dream or something.” Natalie shrugged. A thought popped into Luke’s head unbidden, but before he could contemplate it further, Natalie turned her eyes up to him. “Will you make sure he’s okay? I don’t want him to be sad.”

Luke smiled warmly. He really loved the pack of little monsters he called siblings. “I’ll make sure, Nat.”

“You promise?” she held out her pinky.

Luke linked his pinky with hers. “Promise.” They both leaned in and kissed their thumbs- a double pinky swear- and then Luke planted one more kiss on Natalie’s head, pulling the comforter up to her chin. “Night, Nat.”

“Night Luke,” she said quietly, already on her way drifting off to sleep. Luke was careful closing the door behind him as he left, leaving it cracked open just a sliver. Natalie wasn’t a fan of total darkness, but Faith couldn’t sleep with a nightlight, so this had been a part of the peace treaty Noah himself had brokered when he had moved in and the girls started sharing a room. Speaking of which…

He made his way to Ethan’s no-longer-allowed-to-be-called-a-nursery room (Ethan had emphatically informed everyone recently that he was a “big boy” now and didn’t sleep in a nursery). The hushed voices inside made him pause just outside the doorway. He was a shameless eavesdropper, and he wasn’t going to change his ways anytime soon.

It was actually one voice talking, deep and soft, reciting the last lines of Goodnight Moon. He smiled giddily for a moment- Noah was reading a bedtime story. Ethan must have woken up. There was a moment or two of silence after Noah finished, some movement within the room, and then Noah spoke again. “I think he’s asleep now.”

“Thank God,” Faith’s quiet voice responded. “Sorry, I didn’t think he’d wake up when I turned the light on.”

“It’s okay.” Luke could practically hear the teasing smile in Noah’s voice. “It was a good book, I’ve never read it before.”

“You’ve never read Goodnight Moon?” Faith sounded incredulous. “How is that, like, even possible? Everyone’s read it.”

“Not me,” Noah’s voice was light and casual, how it always got when he talked to the girls about something unpleasant. “I didn’t get read to a lot when I was little. At least, not that I can remember.”

There was a longer pause, and Luke was about to make his presence known when Faith spoke up again. “Noah…” She was drawing the name out, hesitant, as though she was about to say something unpleasant herself.

“What’s up, Snyder?” Faith had overheard Noah and Luke calling each other by their last names and teased them mercilessly about it until one day Noah began calling her ‘Snyder’ too. Luke wasn’t sure if Noah knew just how much Faith actually loved it.

“Why did you get upset earlier? When we wanted you to hide in the closet?” There was a dead silence in the room and in the hallway. Luke bit his lip, inching even closer to the door. Just what had happened during that game?

“I…” it was obvious Noah didn’t know how to answer. Oh, he probably knew the answer, but he definitely didn’t know how to say it.

Faith continued, almost gently. For a second, she sounded like their mother. “I’ve never seen you sad like that before, except for when you think no one’s watching.”

 _Wait, what?!_ Luke almost gave himself away right then and there. He would give all of his inherited money in that moment, just to see Noah’s face. To be able to read his expression. The silence was killing him. And giving him a whole new set of thoughts to burrow into his brain. Noah looked sad when he thought no one was watching?

“Faith, what…?” Noah was having just as hard a time as Luke, apparently. “I don’t…” Luke could picture him biting the inside of his cheek, scratching the back of his head. Maybe shifting his feet a little.

“I’m sorry, it’s none of my business, I know.” Faith was backing off. No, that wasn’t good. Faith may be skilled at getting confessions from most people, but Noah wasn’t most people. You had to press him to get him to talk. Luke sent his sister a hopefully telepathic signal to keep going at him. Maybe being a Snyder did come with some secret magical powers, because Faith must have gotten the message. “It’s just… you don’t have to be sad. Not anymore.”

It was the ‘not anymore’ that probably got to Noah. “Faith…” he sighed. “It just reminded me of some stuff that I want to forget.”

“About your dad?” Faith gently pushed again. Luke was impressed with both her interrogation skills and her intuition. She really wasn’t a little kid anymore.

“Yeah. You know I had problems with my dad, right? You know he wasn’t a nice guy?” Noah really had no idea how to explain this. Luke almost snorted from his hiding spot.

Faith actually did. “He was a jackass.”

“Faith!” Noah almost yelped, but obviously remembered he was still in the same room as a sleeping Ethan. His voice lowered to a stage whisper, just this side of scolding. “You shouldn’t be using that kind of language. Where did you-”

“That’s what Dad called him. I heard him and Mom talking in their room one night. I know I can’t repeat what Mom said.”

Noah sighed. “Okay, just don’t say that word around them, alright? Or your grandma.”

“Even if it’s true?”

“Even then, Snyder,” Noah was firm. Luke stopped himself from getting mushy, thinking about how good of a parent Noah would be some day. Then he heard Noah give a little sigh again, this one definitely reluctant and sad. “Even if it’s true… I didn’t always have a good time growing up. There are some bad memories, you know?”

Luke couldn’t believe Noah could just gloss over things like that. He had had eighteen years basically alone with just a psychotic, controlling bigot for family, and he _didn’t always have a good time_?

“Noah, you don’t have to hide things from me just ’cause I’m young. I know I’m a kid, but I’m not _Ethan_ or anything. Even Natalie gets that you had a bad childhood.” Once again, Luke blessed his and Faith’s ability to complete a Snyder mind-meld.

Noah let out an abashed chuckle. “Sorry.” There was a rustle of movement, and Luke again had to force himself not to peek in. He just wanted to see them. Were they standing? Was one of them sitting? Noah by the door, ready to run if he had to? Or did Faith have him cornered near the toy chest by the back window?

Part of him was beginning to wonder, though, if he should interrupt. Maybe this was something Noah didn’t want to share? But then Noah continued. “So my dad didn’t really… he didn’t like taking care of me. Unless it involved disciplining me.” Another beat while Noah took a deep breath, and Luke could hear the slight hitch in the intake. Luke felt his stomach drop to somewhere below his kneecaps. Whatever this story was, it was painful.

“What does that have to do with the closet?” Faith asked, confused.

And then, suddenly, Luke was terrified that he had it figured out. That he knew why Noah had gotten upset. Oh God. He wasn’t sure if this was something he wanted Faith to hear, or Noah to tell. He walked backwards a few feet, then coughed a little, taking deliberate steps towards the doorway to the not-nursery. “Hey,” he called out quietly, mindful of his sleeping little brother.

And there they were, Faith and Noah, sharing the big comfy loveseat that was next to Ethan’s little bed. Noah had an arm around Faith’s shoulders, and she was leaning into him just a little bit. They both looked up, faces schooled to innocence. “Ethan woke up, we had to read to him,” Faith explained quickly. Her deception skills still needed a little bit of work, but she was coming along nicely.

Luke smiled. “Big surprise,” he said lightly, not giving anything away himself. He shook a finger at his sister. “It’s pretty much past your bedtime, Monkey Breath. Do you need me to read to you too, or…?”

Faith was grinning even as she glared at him. “Shut up Nerd. I’ll be fine on my own.” She stood up from the chair, Noah mirroring her actions. She gave Luke a quick hug. “Night Luke,” she said almost grudgingly. He ruffled her hair again, teasing her was just so much fun. Faith then turned to Noah. “Night Noah,” she gave him a hug too.

“Goodnight Snyder,” he said a little softer, giving her a full-on Noah Mayer smile. Both Faith and Luke melted at the sight of it. Luke waited until Faith left the room before pulling Noah into a hug. He tried not to make it too tight, too frantic; he didn’t want to give away what he was feeling just yet. Noah returned the hug gratefully, probably needing the release after such a surprisingly emotional night.

They exited Ethan’s not-nursery together, turning off the light and shutting the door behind them. Noah was about to turn left to head off to his room, but Luke caught his arm. “Hey.” Noah’s eyes widened a fraction as he turned back to Luke. He was afraid Luke knew. Luke smiled gently, lovingly, trying to put his boyfriend at ease. “Want to watch TV for awhile? I’m not all that tired yet.”

Noah sighed a tiny sigh of relief. Maybe he thought he was safe, but Luke was only biding his time until the right moment, wasn’t going to talk about it yet. “Sure.” Noah pulled his arm out of Luke’s hand just enough so that it slid down to his own, and they clasped hands tightly as they walked down the stairs and through the kitchen to the den.

They settled comfortably on the couch, Luke trying very very hard not to sit too close, touch him too much, still not ready to give anything away- Noah would get spooked and clam up if he did. So instead he sat next to his boyfriend, their sides resting against each other from shoulder to knee. Luke picked up the remote, switching out of habit to AMC.

It was a good compromise between the two of them- classic moves that occasionally were made after 1955, although Noah would often bemoan the fact that a channel called American Movie Classics was now showing movies from the 90’s like _True Lies_ and _Outbreak_. And then Luke would argue that those were awesome movies, which Noah would concede but then point out that they weren’t _classics_. Classics withstood the test of time. “They might as well call it AM, not AMC,” he would gripe way too passionately. And then Luke would kiss the dork just to shut him up.

But now wasn’t one of those times. It was an old movie, a musical, two men singing and dancing in what looked like a hardware store or something. Noah chuckled almost immediately, while Luke tried to figure out where he had heard this particular song before. He looked over at Noah, puzzled, for help.

Noah grinned. “It’s _Hello, Dolly!_ from 1969. Gene Kelly directed it.” Luke nodded slowly, eyebrows still raised. That told him nothing. Noah, still smiling, ducked his head a little so it rested comfortably against Luke’s. “It was in _Wall-E_ ,” he explained softly.

“Oh yeah!” Luke knew he’d heard that song before. He held his hand out to Noah like a claw, like Wall-E had done to Eve. Noah’s smile softened, eyes lighting up in such a little kid way that Luke knew Noah had no idea what he looked like. Noah half-bashfully, half-teasingly threaded his fingers through Luke’s. If anyone ever caught Luke doing things like this with anyone else he’d be totally embarrassed, but for some reason with Noah it always felt right. Felt perfect.

They sat holding hands for a few minutes, watching the movie, when Noah finally spoke up. “So how long were you eavesdropping on me and Faith?”

Luke almost choked on his own tongue. “What?” He shook his head. “I’m sorry- what?”

Noah was still smiling, though it was more timid now, expectant and resigned. “You heard me.” Then he smirked. “And you heard me upstairs too, apparently.”

“How did you know?” He couldn’t believe Noah knew he had been in the hallway.

Noah shrugged. “Your timing coming into the room was way too perfect. And the whole casually-coughing-to-reveal-your-presence thing? Come on, that only works on TV.” He was teasing him. Luke tried to wrap his brain around the idea that Noah was actually teasing him. Maybe he was hoping to throw Luke off track…

“Right after you finished Ethan’s story,” he answered the first question softly, giving Noah a pointed and knowing look.

Noah’s smile slid away. “Oh… So. You heard pretty much everything.” He turned back to the movie, though thankfully he didn’t let go of Luke’s hand.

Luke shifted his body so he was facing Noah more. Noah tensed ever so slightly, eyes still resolutely fixed on the screen. Okay, Teasing Time was definitely over. It was now time for the Heart-to-Heart Hour. “Were you going to tell Faith the real story?” Luke asked.

“No.” Nothing moved except Noah’s mouth. It didn’t even look like he was breathing. “I mean, I wasn’t going to lie. I just wasn’t going to tell her everything. I was kind of hoping if I kept it vague she’d be satisfied enough to forget about it.”

“We’re Snyders, Noah. We forget nothing. Especially if it’s something that upsets you.” Luke was pretty sure neither Faith nor Natalie would ever try to get Noah near a closet again. He moved his free hand up to Noah’s hair, brushing it back from his face. Noah closed his eyes involuntarily, leaning into the touch. “Do you want to tell me what happened? Earlier tonight, or when you were little?”

For awhile Noah didn’t answer, and Luke let him take his time. “I-I’m not sure what you want me to say,” he finally admitted.

Luke tried not to sigh. He wasn’t sure if Noah really felt like this or was just trying to deflect. Probably both. “It’s not about what I want. It’s about talking through whatever got you so upset. So you can heal.”

Noah whipped his head around to stare at Luke, eyes somewhere between hurt and defensive. Oops. Maybe a poor choice of words. “I’m not _broken_ , Luke.” He spat the word out. “I’m not sick. Or defective, or-”

“Noah!” Luke grabbed his face in both of his hands. He forced Noah to look him in the eyes. He spoke slowly, carefully, determined to get through to his boyfriend. “I know you’re not any of those things. And I never will, no matter what you tell me.” Noah flinched, but Luke kept their eyes focused on each other. “I love you, every bit of you, every conceivable inch, no matter what. Whatever happened…” he slowly rubbed one thumb against Noah’s stubbly cheek. “That doesn’t change. It doesn’t change the incredible person that you are, it doesn’t change how I feel about you.” He moved in close, giving an oh-so-light kiss to Noah’s lips. “If I want anything, it’s for you to feel okay talking to me about this stuff. I want you to know I won’t judge you, or… or pity you, or turn you away or anything.”

“Yeah?” They both ignored the way Noah’s voice cracked on that one syllable.

“Nothing but love, baby,” Luke teased gently. Noah gave a short huff of laughter, closing his eyes for a bit. When he reopened them, he looked a little calmer, a little sturdier. Luke smiled, putting as much love in it as possible. “Talk to me. Please?”

Noah took a deep breath, nodded. Luke found himself nodding along, encouraging. “It was a hallway closet,” he finally said.

Luke felt his brow furrow just a little, like he had been dropped into the middle of the conversation. But he gave himself credit for keeping quiet. He let go of Noah’s face and gently took his hand instead, anchoring him. Noah was still facing him, eyes still at least pointed in the direction of his, but whatever he was looking at definitely wasn’t his boyfriend.

Noah was staring at nothing. Or, maybe, everything. “When he was mad, when I acted up, when I- when I did something wrong… We lived on at least eight different bases over the years. But every house was the same. And every house had a hallway closet.”

“Noah,” Luke sighed out his name. He could see where this was going, and he was already trying not to cry.

Noah’s face was still so stoic, but Luke knew that’s how he got when he was trying not to be upset. “He’d yell at me, tell me what I did wrong, how I disappointed him. Then he’d grab my arm or my neck-” Luke closed his eyes for a moment. Somewhere in the back of his mind he’d always thought the Colonel had to have been more physically abusive than Noah had let on. He wasn’t sure if he had actually ever hit Noah, or if Noah would ever admit if he had, but either way he hated it.

Noah continued, unaware of Luke’s train of thought. “-And he’d drag me over to the hallway closet. It was always under the stairs, too. Every damn house had the same damn layout. He would shove me in and lock the door.” He swallowed thickly, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “And I’d have to spend the night in there. Or longer, if I hadn’t learned my lesson.”

Luke wasn’t sure what to do, but he figured sobbing like a baby wasn’t a good idea right now. He blinked hard a few times, trying to remember how to breathe normally. One hand was still holding one of Noah’s, the other moving up to his shoulder, rubbing it gently. Noah’s free hand reached out and lightly held the bottom of Luke’s sweater, played with the hem. “How long-?” Luke’s voice was hoarse, as though he had been the one doing all the talking.

“I don’t know when he started doing it. I was… six? Maybe? Or five? I can’t remember the first time, they all kind of start to blend together after awhile. I just remember it being pitch black. And so quiet. And it doesn’t matter what I did- yell, try to bust the door open- I never got out until he decided I could.” This was a lot of words for Noah, Luke kind of couldn’t believe he had the lung capacity for this much talk at one time. “And you know what? There was never anything in there with me. Except for one time, this cockroach kept… No blankets in the winter or fans in the summer. No food or drinks. No light- he’d take the light bulb out as soon as we’d move in to a place. Make me watch him do it too, so I wouldn’t forget what happens when I mess up.” He gave an imitation smile. It wasn’t a Noah Mayer smile. It was dark, sad, ashamed. “Don’t think I don’t see the parallel- my dad punishing me by locking me in a closet.”

Luke felt a tear slide down his face, but didn’t dare let go of Noah to wipe it away. “God, I don’t…”

But Noah wasn’t listening, still with that faraway gaze harnessed in his eyes. “He stopped it sometime around when I started high school. I think I was finally getting too tall.” A careful shrug. “Anyway, I don’t like the dark all that much. Or closed-in spaces.” Another smile, this one trying for humor and failing spectacularly. “I guess hide-and-seek wasn’t the smartest game for me to play with your sisters. I didn’t upset them, did I? I didn’t scare them?” There was worry and a little bit of sadness in his eyes now. Noah was slowly coming back to him.

Worry and sadness for Luke’s family. God, he loved him. “Oh, baby, no- you didn’t scare them. The girls just care a lot about you, that’s all. They don’t like seeing you sad. Natalie wanted me to tell you she was sorry.”

“I’m fine,” Noah insisted automatically. “That was a long time ago. And it’s not like it could ever happen again. I’m definitely too tall now.”

Luke slid his hand up from Noah’s shoulder to the side of his face. “Stop.”

Noah blinked heavily, almost trance-like. He was back with Luke, back in the present, glancing around as though he forgot where he was. Then he looked over at Luke, expression softening. “You’re crying,” he said disbelievingly, like he didn’t understand why. After a moment’s hesitation, he reached up to brush Luke’s tears away.

Luke nodded hesitantly, trying to get all of his thoughts and emotions under control. “Don’t… please don’t joke about this. Not right now, okay? I need…” he sighed, running his hands through his own hair before moving them back to Noah, on either side of his neck, cradling his face. “I can’t believe he did that to you. God, I want to kill him.”

“Too late for that,” Noah spoke without thinking. They both flinched and looked away, the Colonel had only been dead for a few months. Luke wished the bastard was alive so he could yell at him for ever scarring Noah like this and then kill him himself.

Noah was still just trying to figure out exactly what he felt about his father’s death, hoping Luke didn’t think he meant anything by the “too late” thing. He didn’t blame Luke, he never had. God, when was he going to stop screwing everything up?

Noah looked like he had no idea what to say next, and he seemed startled out of his thoughts by the back of Luke’s hand on his forehead, gently sliding downwards past his eyebrow and the scar he had never explained to his jaw, running along the five o’clock shadow he sometimes got. Luke had never told him how much he loved that look on Noah, but he really really did.

“I want you to listen to me, okay? I’m so sorry that stuff happened to you.” Noah looked down, breaking eye contact. Luke let him, kissing the very top of his head. “Nothing like that is ever going to… no one is ever going to treat you like that again. I promise,” he murmured into the chocolaty-dark hair.

“I know,” came the soft reply. After awhile Noah looked up at him again, eyes somehow both impossibly young and impossibly old at the same time. “Luke… I know some of the stuff I went through was bad and it still messes me up sometimes, but…” he reached out and took Luke’s hands in his, holding them close. Both boys almost instantly, unconsciously, began rubbing their thumbs along the other’s knuckles.

Noah cleared his throat before continuing. “But I am happy now. That’s all that matters to me, understand? You and your family-” this time he leaned in for the kiss, warm and loving against Luke’s lips. Luke wished he could have the taste of him around all the time. Better than candy. “-You make up for all that. I don’t care what happened then, because I have all of you now.”

He said it so simply, so honestly, that Luke was sure his heart was breaking and growing at the same time. “We love you too,” Luke whispered, not trusting his voice to go any louder. “ _I_ love you, Noah.”

“Same here,” Noah’s voice dropped to the same volume, caught in the same spell Luke was under.

They kissed again, taking their time with it, each finding the assurance they were looking for. Luke couldn’t help deepening it, especially when Noah breathed in almost desperately through his nose, like he needed air but just couldn’t break the kiss. And when he let out that quiet little hum of pleasure, it sparked a buzz all the way through Luke’s body.

When they did finally come up for air, Noah took another deep breath, resting his forehead against Luke’s, smiling rather sleepily. Luke could understand the feeling- this entire night had turned out a bit more exhausting than they had been prepared for. Luke gave him another quick kiss before settling back on the couch. He put one arm around Noah, the hand coming up to pull Noah’s head down to rest on his shoulder. Noah complied easily, twisting his body a little so he could wrap his arm around Luke’s middle, burrowing in even closer.

They both came to an unspoken agreement and turned back to watch the rest of _Hello Dolly!_ Luke found himself drawn to the scene- a man and a woman in a park singing one of those old-fashioned movie-musical love songs to each other. “This song was in Wall-E too, wasn’t it?” he asked softly, his fingers somehow combing through Noah’s hair of their own accord.

“Yeah,” Noah mumbled, his voice getting deeper as sleep started to overtake him. He tightened his grasp on Luke with a sigh, rubbing his face into the soft material of Luke’s shirt as those fingers continued making their way through his hair over and over. Luke almost laughed but didn’t want to startle him. Noah really was like an overgrown puppy sometimes- get him close and pet him for a little while, and he was a pile of sleepy affection in your lap. And Luke would never, ever complain.

Noah was nearly gone now, just barely humming along with the song, one finger tapping the rhythm of it onto Luke’s ribcage. That’s when the lyrics worked their way into Luke’s brain. And wow, were those some corny song lyrics. But he smiled, brushing another kiss onto Noah’s forehead. Noah smiled too and pushed himself up just enough to get his face- his mouth- level with Luke’s. They stared at each other for a moment as the song finished on the TV in front of them.

Noah’s blue eyes brightened just a little, recognizing the pure cheesiness of all of this and obviously not caring. Luke definitely didn’t care either. Neither could be sure who leaned in first for this kiss, but they both knew they weren’t going to be the one to pull away. Neither wanted to let go. So neither did.  



End file.
